idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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