i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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