Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
