You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
