My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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