It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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