Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
