we have officially lost it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How's work?
Spinning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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