why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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