You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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