i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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