What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
