I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How naked do you want me to be?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
