This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
