Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
