your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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