They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need to align my fucking chakras
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
