the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I need water and some morals
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
