I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
