Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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