Come see our sink grown plant.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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