I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When did angry sex become our thing?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
