Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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