When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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