We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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