We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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