Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
