so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
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