What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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