Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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