I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
whose ass print is on the piano?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
