she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i now understand why vodka
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
