alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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