I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
