I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
