I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
