So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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