I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
