there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
