So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize