Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
