So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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