I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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