I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
