dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
