I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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