Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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