Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so fucking centered right now
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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