I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i need an iv and a liver transplant
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
