shes about as inviting as chlamydia
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
