5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
