For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
