He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize