so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My bed is full of blood and feathers
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He did a backflip because drugs
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