you're like a bully in the Christmas story
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
