He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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