dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
