She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
