Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
