Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
