I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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