eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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