I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
