i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
